


A Simple Conversation

by tooberjoober



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, but they have feelings for them, kinda pre-slash, set after Mudd’s Women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22286434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooberjoober/pseuds/tooberjoober
Summary: After dealing with Mudd and “his” women, Jim and Spock have a discussion about sexuality, bigotry, and love.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock, James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 15
Kudos: 164





	A Simple Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> I need to write for other wips and I know this, but like oh well. I wanted to write this, so I wrote this. Had fun with the little tangents I went on. Hopefully it’s all coherent and enjoyable!  
> If you do enjoy it let me know! I love me some feedback! Also check out my other fics or find me on tumblr if you haven’t already (spocksgotemotions)

“In times like these I wish I were more like you, Mister Spock.” Jim said thoughtfully, hand on his chin as Spock set up the chessboard. 

”Like me?” Spock questioned idly, though he knew what Jim meant. 

“I wish I wasn’t affected by the women.” Jim said. “Even though I was more in control than some…I was distracted. I was reckless.” 

He leaned into his hand, Spock could see the fatigue in his eyes. He could see bits of dust and sand still stuck in his hair from the mining planet. He had suggested they postpone their chess game, but the captain had insisted. ”There are moments…brief as they may be, where I wish to be more like you, Captain.” 

Jim looked up in surprise, eyebrow immediately quirking up. He knew the basics of Spock’s past. He knew about Vulcan culture. He knew the thin superiority he put on was a show to annoy McCoy. But he had never heard Spock admit something like this. “Really?” He asked, leaning on the table slightly. 

“I have emotions.” Spock said, moving his first chess piece before meeting Jim’s gaze. “I repeatedly find myself unable to deny this fact. But rather than being able to express them, I hide them away until I can meditate and analyze them.” 

”Different strokes, Mister Spock. At least your way keeps you and others out of danger.” Jim mused, moving his own chess piece. 

Spock hesitated for a moment. ”Indeed.” He responded quietly. Jim glanced up and could see Spock’s mind at work, already thinking moves ahead of Jim. It was something truly admirable. “It was not my Vulcan blood that made me…immune to the women’s power.” Spock said, seemingly out of the blue as he took his turn, moving a pawn. “Perhaps another Vulcan man would’ve been swayed to the degree of a human. Or perhaps stronger Vulcans would have been immune.” He mused more to himself. 

”If that wasn’t it, then what precisely was your secret?” Jim asked, amused smile on his face as he captured the first piece of the game. “Maybe you can teach me for future cases.” He raised both brows, a teasing look on his face as he rested his chin on his hands. 

“I’m afraid it’s not exactly something that can be taught.” Spock responded, hands steepled in front of his face as he stared down the chessboard. 

”But you just said it wasn’t your ‘Vulcan blood.’” 

Spock moved a piece on the chessboard, before he met Jim’s gaze again. “Captain, I am gay.” 

Jim blinked. He leaned back in his chair and nodded. “I uh…wasn’t expecting that.” He said slowly, eyes finally moving back to the chessboard as his brain slowly started working. Spock said it so…bluntly. Like it didn’t mean anything. It didn’t, of course it didn’t. This was modern times, there was nothing against LGBT individuals. Jim himself wasn’t straight by any means. So why the hell did this news shake him so badly. “You’re…um…” He swallowed. 

”Homosexual.” Spock responded with a nod. 

”Right um…” Jim shook his head slightly. “Sorry, I don’t mean to seem…homophobic or anything. I am also…not straight. I just…” 

”I do not share much about myself. I understand.” Spock said. “It is your turn.” He nodded to the board. 

”Right.” Jim took in a deep breath, moving the first piece he could think of. If revealing this was a distraction technique, it was certainly working. “So…why are you telling me this?” 

”It is simply conversation.” Spock shrugged. Internally he asked himself the same question. He didn’t have to tell Jim. He didn’t have to tell anyone. But he wanted to tell Jim. And wasn’t that strange. To want someone to know something so…close to him. 

”So…do you have a…” Jim gestured vaguely, trying to follow this line of conversation, but not knowing how to do it. It’s almost like Spock knew Jim was attracted to him and was trying to torture him at this point. 

”I do not have a partner.” Spock responded coolly, moving his own piece, no doubt much more planned through than Jim’s hasty movements. “This has been a…fairly recent realization.” Spock’s gaze flickered briefly to Jim to gauge his reaction. Spock felt his heart pound in his side. Despite Jim’s seemingly cavalier approach to sex and relationships, the topic of conversation seemed to make him uncomfortable. Or at the very least he was off his guard. “If this track of conversation makes you uncomfortable-“ 

”Spock.” Jim said in a tone of voice that sought attention, his hand reaching out and grabbing Spock’s wrist. His voice was soft and kind, the sort of voice Spock didn’t hear on the bridge, but relished in their moments alone. “You didn’t have to tell me this and I’m a little thrown. I partially think revealing it was part of your chess strategy.” He cracked a smile. “But I support you. I want you to know that. In whatever you want to share or not. I’m glad to know any part of you.” 

Spock felt his throat close up slightly as he moved his gaze from Jim’s to his hand. “You are the first person I have informed.” 

”I’m honored.” Jim smiled softly, genuinely, releasing Spock’s wrist from his hold. 

“It was not my plan to distract you, though it seems to be working.” Spock said after a moment of comfortable silence. “Perhaps I should make all announcements during our chess games.” He said, eyebrow raised in teasing. 

”I don’t know what other announcement holds the same sort of gravity.” Jim responded with a chuckle. The back of his mind supplied that the only declaration that would stun him so thoroughly was if Spock told him he was in love. The back of his mind also supplied that Spock would be in love with Jim in this scenario, but that felt…wrong. Even if Spock’s recently revealed sexuality meant that he could theoretically be attracted to Jim, that didn’t mean that he ever would be. There were millions of men and masculine presenting individuals in the universe and Jim was certain he’d be at the bottom of that list for Spock. And he was fine with that. He didn’t have any romantic feelings for Spock. That would be completely and totally inappropriate. 

For a fleeting moment, Spock thought about informing Jim that he was the reason Spock had made his revelation. That he had developed feelings for Jim and that had led him to realize his sexuality. He quickly rejected the idea. That would not only potentially ruin his friendship with Jim, but also possibly his career. He would never tell Jim. 

”Is…having a preference…logical?” Jim asked with a raised brow. “This isn’t me making fun of you or anything, just a genuine curiosity.” He assured Spock quickly. “I don’t know much about Vulcan culture.” 

“No offworlder does.” Spock responded simply. “Vulcans keep most aspects of our culture to ourselves. As for sexual and romantic relationships…Vulcan has acknowledged that those are harder to govern purely by logic. Though that does not stop some from trying.” He thought of T’Pring, waiting back on Vulcan. He knew when the time came he would have no choice but her. His stomach twisted in knots. 

”That's understandable.” Jim nodded slightly. 

For a moment the pair sat in a silence, not as comfortable as some of the ones they were used to, but by far not their worst. Jim was the one to break the silence. A sigh in his voice as he moved a knight. “I keep thinking about Eve…” He shook his head slightly. “Logically,” He stressed the word. “I know any…attraction I felt towards her was…amplified by use of the Venus drug, but…I wish she hadn’t stayed down there.” His voice was soft, as if waiting for Spock’s condemnation. 

”You have…feelings for her.” It wasn’t really a question, more of a statement of fact. 

”No.” Jim responded, almost startled by Spock’s statement. “Not really. She was a beautiful woman, of course, and I was attracted to her, but I’m not cursing her decision out of some jealousy.” Jim explained, gesturing vaguely. “I feel like the miners…like they won’t treat her, or any of the women, as kindly as they deserve. And I think…Eve could have had more, if she had been told it was available. Not just a better husband, but a better future. A career if she wanted it.” He stared at the chessboard. “On Earth we act like we’ve solved all our problems with bigotry, but there are people out there that still believe in these backward ideals and you give them even a scrap of land without oversight, they’ll let those ideas fester.” He met Spock’s gaze again, eyes flaring with frustration. “We gave the men below a planet and they let misogyny rear its ugly head. Mudd bought a starship and found that preying on sexist ideals was a profitable career path.” 

”Old ideas die hard.” Spock commented after a moment, unsure exactly how to respond. 

“Like a weed.” Jim frowned. “Resilient. Even when you think you’ve pulled them all up, you find it in several more places when you look.” He paused. “Although…” he rubbed the back of his neck. “I suppose you know about that.” He looked up at Spock under his lashes and Spock felt his heart clench in his side. 

“Indeed.” Spock averted his gaze, some illogical part of his heart insisting that he would die by Jim’s eyes. 

Jim felt a wave of anxiety wash over his chest. “I didn’t mean to offend. I know Vulcans don’t get offended, but…I don’t want to-“ 

”Jim, I am not offended.” Spock responded, meeting the Captain’s gaze once again. “And that is not simply me saying I do not feel offense.” He reached over, gingerly placing a hand on Jim’s wrist. “I do face bigotry. Both on my own planet, on Earth and even on the ship at times. But you have never said anything purposefully malicious. You made…an observation. I find no offense in it.” 

Jim nodded, slightly, looking at their hands. “If I ever say something that crosses the line-“ 

”I will inform you.” Spock nodded, removing his hand from Jim’s wrist. 

”Good, good.” Jim nodded, rubbing his hand over his chin as he gazed at the chessboard and thought of his next move. 

It was several long moments spent in silence before Spock broke the quiet. His mind kept returning to something Jim said earlier. “Captain…if I may ask a question,” 

“If you’ll give me back a rook.” Jim teased. He smiled lightly. “Of course, Mister Spock.” He nodded. 

“I am…a bit perplexed. I do not fully understand human…emotions in this regard. You said you do not feel affection for Eve. And yet…” In a rare turn of events, Spock didn’t know exactly how to word his question. “You…connected with her, correct?” He said after a moment, still not quite satisfied with how the question came out. Jim understood anyways. 

”No, I can’t say I feel real affection towards her.” Jim responded. “I found her…attractive. And she was strong willed and reasonable and…intelligent.” His eyes flickered to Spock for the briefest of moments before he turned back to their game. “Perhaps if I had spent more time with her I would’ve felt a more…genuine affection.” He shrugged. 

”Her…appearance was not enough to garner affection?” Spock asked curiously. 

Jim allowed himself a smile. He found a certain intimacy in their path of conversation tonight. As varied as it was, all of it was close to the heart. “Tell me, Mister Spock, in cases of real love, does beauty truly matter? Part of the love may come from a physical attraction, but if you love someone, truly love them, their appearance will not affect it. Everything about their appearance, whether it’s considered conventionally attractive or not, will be another thing to love about them.” 

“I see.” Spock nodded. He moved to stand up. “Thank you, Captain. This evening has been…fascinating.”

“Spock, aren’t you forgetting something?” Jim asked with a chuckle, gesturing to their chess game. 

”If you wish, we may continue and I will check mate you in three turns.” Spock responded. “Or we may call it a draw.” He offered. 

”Humor me.” Jim said, a fond smile taking over his features. 

”Of course.” Spock responded, sitting back down and taking his move. 

Jim responded with a move of his own, suddenly seeing how Spock would catch him. He let out an amused breath. “Spock, may I ask you a question. Don’t feel obligated to answer, but I’m curious.” 

Spock raised a brow. “Your disclaimer is…concerning, but you may ask.” He nodded his consent. 

Jim watched as Spock moved a chess piece, suddenly feeling all the courage he had to even think of the question disappear. “I know…I have been in love a few times. I guess I was curious to know…have you ever been in love?” Jim sheepishly looked up at Spock from under his eyelashes, and despite how illogical it was, Spock swore his heart stopped for a moment. 

”Love is…difficult for me to fully comprehend.” Spock said slowly. “Though I believe I have.” 

”Anyone who says they fully understand love is a liar.” Jim responded softly. He knocked his king over on the board, conceding the game. 

Spock nodded, moving to stand once again. “Goodnight, Captain.” He said, starting towards the door. 

Jim stood, following behind Spock. “Goodnight. Um…Spock?” He called, staring after the man. 

”Yes, Captain?” 

”I’m glad we’re friends. And that you feel free to speak to me about…serious matters.” He gestured vaguely. 

”I feel the same.” Spock responded, voice gentle. 

They stood for a moment, eyes locked. For that moment there was a strange sort of tension in the air. Something in the room spoke of possibilities. Breath was caught in throats as both of them struggled to end the encounter. 

Finally Spock managed to tear his gaze away, regaining his breath as he did so. The tension in the room dissipated, leaving only a hesitant disappointment behind. “Goodnight…Jim.” Spock said softly, opening the door and stepping out.

Jim couldn’t stop the smile on his face and though the door had already closed behind him, he still wished Spock a goodnight. 


End file.
